When You Want It Too Much

Wanting, or the desire for something, is often exactly what we need to motivate us to grow and change. Wanting is not bad. Desire is not bad. But, what happens when you want something too much?

What happens when we want something so much that the wanting of it becomes the obstacle in our way?

Even when what you want may not be a greedy or envious thing. 

What you want could be completely reasonable.

But…something happens when you want it so, so bad. 

So much so, that you’ve organized your life around it. 

Made future plans for when you have it. 

Can’t see your future without it. 

Suddenly where there was all inspiration and possibility in the desire and wanting, now there is nothing but limitations and a narrow vision for success. A singular place where only one thing can happen in order for everything to be OK. 

If you set up your life in a way that you only have one narrow way to be OK, one tiny possibility at happiness and fulfillment, you’ve set yourself up for stress and anxiety. How can you not experience anxiety and pain when so much is riding on every moment being perfectly aligned? 

Maybe you can deal with some anxiety, ignore some pain, power through the stress because the goal on the other side is worth it.

But what happens when your wanting is so strong that you can’t think clearly? You can’t speak without stuttering? You can’t breathe as deeply? Any skill you’ve practiced goes out the window? All of that anxiety, stress, pain, tension that is a direct result of your wanting, is now exactly the thing keeping you from what you wanted in the first place. 

You can’t power through this problem. More practice, more work, more wanting makes it worse. 

Some might say, well, just stop wanting it so much. Maybe just relax a bit?

And, I would say, let’s be serious.

Telling someone who has organized their life around a particular goal to “just stop wanting it” is insulting. Frankly, it doesn’t work. 

And, sure, maybe you can take a break. Practice all the self care that everyone is talking about. But, when you step back up to the plate, you’ll find yourself facing the same obstacles unless something changes. 

Some kind of lesson needs to be learned. Something has to change.  

So, how do you hold on loosely, but not let go? 

You have to allow for the possibility of failure, so you can open up to all the possibilities you’ve never imagined.

You have to allow yourself to be wrong, so you can understand what you are doing right and grow.

You have to be kind to yourself through the failures and the wrongs, so you don’t quit before the finish line.

Of course, it’s easy to say you’re willing to allow for the possibility for failure and will be nice to yourself even when you’re wrong. It’s incredibly difficult to practice. So, you’ll need to start small.

Maybe just with how you walk from one end of the room to the other.

The Alexander Technique is a powerful practice to help you embody difficult psychological concepts through small psycho-physical explorations. You might be surprised by how much you discover when you pay attention to how you walk from one end of the room to the other. The Alexander Technique will help you understand the connection between your thoughts and your physical sensations. Usually, you’ll immediately experience the release of excess tension in the body. With more time, you’ll learn how to use the tool’s you’ve practiced to support you through performance anxiety and the symptoms of “wanting too much”.

So, let’s want something, while allowing for something greater than we could have imagined.