Why High Achievers Fail When It Matters Most—and How to Fix It

For high achievers, hard work is non-negotiable. But what if all that effort leads to failure at the moment when it matters the most?

If you want to be successful in any aspect of your life, you need to work hard. This comes as a surprise to no one and, unfortunately, I haven't found a work around for this. Some have natural talent, others more support and opportunities. But talent and opportunity can be easily squandered without hard work and dedication.

We know this–we know that we need to work hard in order to be good at what we care about and to get what we want.

So, we put in the work. We decide that we care enough to make sacrifices. We skip the nights out in order to stay home and practice. We wake up early to get in a run before sitting at a desk the rest of the day. We save money for extra classes, training, and coaching. We’re working hard and we’re seeing results.

If everything continued this way, success would actually be pretty simple. Work hard, see results.

Simple, elegant, ideal.

Of course, things are not this simple.

The Balance Between Care and Detachment

The truth is that in order to be successful and perform to the best of your ability, you have to care enough about it to work hard consistently (for weeks, months, years) and then…casually stop caring about the outcome in the moment that matters most.

Sounds easy?

It’s not.

The high-achievers who have learned how to push themselves and know the meaning of discipline and hard work, are often shocked when performance anxiety ruins their big moment. Of course they are! They followed the rules. They put in the time and expected to see results.

In a tragic irony, the passion that drives high-achievers to excel becomes the very thing that blocks their success.

Some people stumble into success because they are great at just trying things. They throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks. Over time, this is a strong strategy, but it can be hard to hold onto success once found because these kinds of people never learned how to keep consistency when things get boring or too hard.

The high-achieving, hard-worker type will find themselves achieving success in many different parts of their life, but will often find themselves blocked in the one aspect that means the most to them. They care so much that they avoid it all together, or they find themselves choking or failing in front of others. They might acknowledge the performance anxiety, but ultimately decide that the existence of that performance anxiety is evidence that they are not cut out for that particular role/performance/lifestyle rather than realizing that it is a natural result of their deep care and dedication to that work.

The true masters of their craft find a way to balance a deep care and dedication to their work while letting go of the final outcome. They care enough to work hard, sacrifice, and commit themselves to a goal, but they know that they only have control over themselves. They cannot control how their work will be perceived by others. Ultimately, they must stop caring about whether or not they are successful in their endeavors and instead only care about how they work towards their goals.

Don’t Care Less, Care Differently

So, if you’re a self-identified high-achiever reading this, how do you get to that “true master” level? How do you care so much that you are able to consistently work hard, while letting go of the outcome? How do you stop caring when it feels like this is the moment you should care most about?

Like the hard work that got you this far, it will take some practice.

The mind-body practice of the Alexander Technique provides a framework to have embodied experiences where the focus is on the “how to” rather than the outcome. Through these embodied experiences, you can actually shift your mindset, instead of just pretending not to care or trying to psych yourself out. You’ll learn that you can genuinely care more about how you pursue your goals than the outcome of your hard work.

Ultimately, mastering the balance between caring deeply about your work and letting go of the outcome is key to achieving true success. And when you achieve that balance, you might find yourself closer to your goals than ever before.

Ready to find the balance and unlock your full potential? Book a 15 minute free consultation with me to learn how the Alexander Technique and my Performance Coaching program can help you achieve consistent, reliable success.